I’ve not got a whole lot of knowledge about how the Grizz match up with Los Spurs, but as I’ve got a bit of a headache and got no sleep because some car in the alley out back has a defective horn that goes off for 30-45 seconds every hour, so I figured this would be the best time to put my thoughts about the series down on paper. I’m also listening to the BS report, and I think it was JA Adande that just took a shot at Memphis, saying he would rather go back and forth covering the series between New Orleans and LA than Memphis and San Antonio, which is just foolish. We’ve got Rendezvous and Beale; San Antonio has Mexican food and the Alamo. What’s New Orleans got? What can LA offer you?
I’m going to go with a player by player breakdown of the two teams starters, because if Michael Lewis’ Moneyball proved anything, it’s that basketball is all about individual efforts.
Mike Conley vs. Tony Parker
The most important aspect in determining the edge between these two players is where they’re from. Let’s first look at Tony Parker’s France. Did you know that the French have never won a war in the history of their existence? They have depended on Americans bailing them out since they were created back in the early AD’s. It’s true. Tony Parker’s being from France says that he’ll rely on his teammates to bail him out, and if things aren’t going his way, he may just start cooperating with the Grizzlies. Mike Conley is from the greatest country in the world, America; however, he played at Ohio State. It’s very unfortunate that San Antonio has Matt Bonner from Florida and Antonio McDyess from Alabama. History says that Conley will lose badly to anyone from the SEC. Push.
Tim Duncan vs. Zach Randolph
Duncan may be faster and longer, but Z-bo can’t jump as high. However, based purely on freak athleticism, emphasis on the freak, Z-bo’s got this one wrapped up. The man is 6 foot 9 and has extreme difficulty dunking, he cannot run very well, nor can he really jump. He has a gut and tiny legs. His head is almost as round as a basketball. When you look at Duncan, he’s just got regular top-shelf athleticism: lots of lenth a fair amount of strenth, good court vision, etc. I’ll take Z-bo’s rare blend of physical characteristics any day of the week.
Tiago Splitter vs. Marc Gasol
My fraternity recently bought a PS3 along with NBA 2k11, which has gotten a lot of play from me recently. I actually love to be both los Spurs and the Grizz. The Spurs are solid because Matt Bonner is the most fun player in the game to control, moreso than both LeBron and Rose. He drifts to the perimeter and just drains three after three after three, he’s a ginger, and you annoy whomever you’re playing by hitting outside shots with your center. The Grizz are fun because I know all the players and I imagine Tony Allen playing with all heart, grit and grind. Anyways, the most worthless player in the entire game as far as I can tell is Tiago Splitter: no court vision, little defense, can’t shoot, and can’t dribble. Marc is a solid video-game player, especially when combined with Randolph to become the Ga-Z-bo. Edge Gasol.
Manu vs. Tony Allen
This is your classic battle between the European flopper and the badass that beat the crap out of a teammate over a game of Boo-Ray. As good a basketball player as Manu can be from time to time, TA’s gonna play with all heart, grit and grind. Once he starts twirling his fingers around his head, watch out.
Richard Jefferson vs. Sam Young
Let’s be honest, Sam Young’s kinda out of control and Richard Jefferson’s kinda old. If either of these have a large impact on the series we can reexamine this, but let’s just call it a push.
By my count, we’ve got two pushes, and three edges to the Grizzlies. This clearly indicates that the Grizzlies should win this one 4-2 on their way to the second round.
Big Shot Bob
For a perpetually pessimistic sports fan, Mr. Hoehn, this a surprisingly optimistic (maybe, realistic, based on your proclivity for pessimism) outlook on the series.
I like it.
Grizz hard.
Articles like this really gaesre the shafts of knowledge.