Top 5 Reasons to Hate Texas

5. Billy Gillispie
The former Texas A&M and Kentucky basketball coach who was recently named head coach of the Texas Tech Red Raiders is the reason that Calipari left Memphis and plunged the city into turmoil for a few months. Had Billy not fooled the program with the most annoying fans in the country into hiring him and then plunged the entire state of Kentucky into near suicidal levels of depression and anger by missing the NCAA tournament in his second and final season as UK’s head coach, Kentucky would never have had reason to offer John Calipari the job. As is, Kentucky’s good again, their fans are back to being incredibly arrogant and obnoxious, and the Tigers took a step back when Coach Cal took his last Memphis recruiting class with him to Kentucky.

4. The Big 12
Everyone knows that the SEC is the best football conference in the country, except for those in Big 12 country. The Pac 10 has accepted it, both the Leaders and the Legends have faced crushing defeats at the SEC’s hands, and the ACC and Big East are just jokes. Yet every year, a couple Big 12 teams seem to inexplicably be ranked in the top 5, leading to national debates about which is a better conference between the SEC and the Big 12. I know Texas has great high-school football, I respect that, but it doesn’t translate to the next level. We’re better, accept it, quit your arguing.

3. Mark Cuban
This incredibly obnoxious individual managed to sell his company to Yahoo at the height of the dotcom bubble for about a trillion times its earnings. It could be looked at as a case study of what was wrong with the market in the late 90’s and early naughts just like Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns could be for the recent crisis. He’s been a massive tool ever since, constantly irritating other owners and the commissioner with stupid comments and criticisms while throwing around foolish amounts of Yahoo’s misspent money. I don’t like the man.

2. The Cowboys
Listen, the Boys have been pretty good a few times. I’ll give them that. They are not America’s team. They may be Texas’ team, but I live in Tennessee. I am still confused as to why my high-school classmates were obsessed with Dallas. It was just awful dealing with that. I hated it. I hated Texas as a result, and this was before I even knew any Texans. Which leads me to my number one reason…

1. Texans
You are not better than anyone else just because you were born in Texas. I promise. If anything, your misguided state pride makes you worse because you see the world through a completely skewed view. In Tennessee and the rest of the Southeast, UT means UT-Knoxville, not UT-Austin. Your Independence Day is the Fourth of July, just like every other American. You are not your own country. I liked W too, as AMERICA’s President. All your heroes are Tennesseans anyways: Davy Crockett’s not yours. I cannot wait to send your most successful professional franchise of the past 15 years packing in the first round.

Big Shot Bob